In the back of my mind I always knew that, one day, I would return to Maine to take care of my aging grandmother. At the same time, I hoped that somehow that day would never arrive. It has nothing to do with my grandmother; I love her very much and owe her a lot. But, for me, Maine will always represent the darkest days of my life, when my depression first began and thoughts of suicide were a daily, if not hourly, occurrence. I know it’s not rational to blame an entire state for my out of whack brain chemistry, but since when is mental illness rational?
So, here I am, 5 months into my “temporary” relocation faced with the reality that it is not so temporary. I start a job in a couple of days and have started a mental list of the things I need sent from California in order to endure the cold, snowy, Maine winter that is approaching faster than I care to think about. Family friends ask me every day if I am staying “for good”, and I am slowly replacing my usual reply of “indefinitely” with a resigned “yes”. I am here to stay as long as my grandmother needs me and, since she isn’t getting any younger, she is probably going to need me for the rest of her life.
And so begins my new life; the life of a native Mainer, who calls California home, yet has returned to her native land, despite her fears, to do right by her grandmother.
4 comments:
I love a happy ending.
-DrC
When I lost my mother earlier this year, it was easier because I was with her. You already know you are doing the right thing. Just remember that during the tough times. You can always get back to Cali.
Not sure you remember Maine and Winter... so as a Boston resident let me say that nothing you have in California will prepare you for the winter here.. you must go shopping in one of the outlets! Hurry before the polar bears come out!!!
GL with your situation.
Waffles, how did I not know that you live in Boston? I have family in Norwood that I should visit more often. I had a taste of winter on April Fools day but you are right, I've probably forgotten how bad it gets.
Chuck, here's hoping for a happy winter at the very least. Miss you!
Steve, thanks. She has a lot of years left in her but I don't think she should spend them alone.
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